yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
