I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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