this just has baby written all over it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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