Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
whose parrot is this?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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