I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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