I accidentally burped into my bong.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
