Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize