You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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