I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
