Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
