guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
