Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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