I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
