"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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