Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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