I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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