OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
