I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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