It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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