Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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