I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
