I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
