If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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