i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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