i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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