I'm gonna have a badass scar
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize