and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
