Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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