I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
