Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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