she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
