hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
soo... how was my night?
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