I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
