I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
