jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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