I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
