if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
