Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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