chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize