I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
