marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
In America we eat man semen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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