Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
