I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
