i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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