He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
