This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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