i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize