Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
