If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
