i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
