Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
