i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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