She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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