forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
