yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
