Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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