Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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