yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
