he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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