and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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