mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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