he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
