I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
