Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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