I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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