I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize