I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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