I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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