Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
