I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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