Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
