But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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