Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
