hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
