I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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