Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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