Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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