Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
