I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize