Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He better not be in your backpack
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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