I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
