took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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