Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
