just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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