I'm going to jail i love you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
