im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am one with the molecules
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
