I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
