In the future we'll all be gay
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
