please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
